Lessons In Leaving
by Electra126
Summary: A series of four short and separate stories that show what may have happened between Buffy and Faith post-Chosen.
1. Just Let Go

**Lessons In Leaving**

**by**

**Electra**

**Rating: **R for language, semi-adult content

**Pairing: **Faith/Buffy

**Summary:** A series of four short and separate stories that show what may have happened between Buffy and Faith post-Chosen.

**Spoilers:** None. Post-Chosen.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, nor do I profit from writing about them.

**Note:** This is the first and most angst-filled of the four stories. Bear with me, I'm hoping they'll get better as I go.

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**Just Let Go**

The bus is quiet now that we've been driving for over an hour. Most of the girls have settled in and have fallen asleep, but I'm not so sure how they're able to manage that. I've been a slayer for nearly five years now and I still can't sleep after a big fight. It's not the hungries and it's not the hornies. Yeah, they're there, but it's something different.

Maybe it's cos of all of the pain and destruction I've seen as a slayer.

Maybe it's cos of all of the pain and destruction I've _caused_ as a slayer.

In any case, sleep defo hasn't found me as I try to rest my tired body. The back of the bus is probably the bumpiest as we travel down this endless road, but it doesn't bother me.

When I was a kid, the back of the bus was where the bad kids sat. We'd secretly try to smoke cigarettes that we stole from our parents and we'd swear up a storm, just cos we could. The bus driver used to ask us to explain the shoe-prints on the ceiling of the bus, and we'd just sit there and laugh. Yep, we were deemed the bad kids far back as I can remember.

I guess that's why I picked the back of the bus now. I'm still bad. You can't fix the errors of your past by sitting in the clink for three years, and it certainly doesn't help when you bust out, even if it was to save the world.

The one thing I don't understand is why B is in the back of the bus too. She's not bad. She's pretty much a fucking saint compared to me. Then again, she's always trying to punish herself in one way or another.

In fact, I bet that right now, she's mentally beating herself up for something or another. For watching Spike die, or for not knowing what step she should take next, or . . . I dunno, for forgetting to pay the paperboy or some shit.

I glance over to her seat across from mine and watch her for a few minutes. Her eyes are open and she's staring out the window, her head resting on the cool pane of glass. It doesn't take a genius to see that she's lost in her thoughts. So much going through her mind all at once.

I'll be the first to admit, it's all a bit overwhelming. Totally understand that she's got some stuff to think about now.

For a second I almost say something to distract her, but I stop myself before I can start. She doesn't wanna hear anything I have to say. And seriously, what would I say anyhow? 'Gee B, I bet you're just about as horny as I am.' Nah, not this time. The innuendos have always been there. The flirting has always been there.

But honestly, what's the point of it now? We won. It's over. She's gonna go and be Jane Normal, and me? I'm back to being a number. 430019, that is. Inmate, Stockton Correctional Facility.

There's really no point in the fun yet inappropriate innuendos if I can't pursue them in some shape or form. We chased that dog years ago and look where it led us. We'll never get rid of the awkwardness between us now.

After a few minutes I take another glance back at B. Her eyes are closed and her shoulders seem to be relaxed.

Damn. I guess she finally found her peace too. Maybe I'll find mine in a pot of gold at the end of my prison sentence.

Thinking that everyone around me is finally sleeping, I reach up and pull the window down a few inches. I take one more glance around to make sure I'm not being watched before reaching into my jacket pocket and pulling out my smokes. I take one out and place it between my lips, anxiously looking forward to the nicotine rush I've been craving.

"I thought that the whole point of reforming was to stop the downward spiral," Buffy says in a quiet voice, interrupting my actions.

I smile a little and keep the lighter a few inches from the tip of my cigarette.

"You ready to be my sponsor, B?" I ask, still smiling, earning a tired smile from her in response. "Yep, I'm trying to walk the righteous path now. All part of the bigger plan of finding some . . . I dunno, peace?"

Buffy watches me for just a moment or two before pointing to the cigarette dangling from my lips.

"You don't think that's just a little bit self-destructive? I don't know if you missed the memo, but: we won. New lease on life, yada yada yada."

I can't help but chuckle. Buffy will never change, and part of me is so happy to know that. I hesitate for just a few seconds before 86-ing the cigarette, and the rest of the pack, out the bus window.

"I'm sure the Powers that Be will ignore that small act of littering," Buffy says quietly, trying not to grin. She knows how to push my buttons.

"Baby steps, yeah B?" I respond back and just smile softly at her for a few seconds.

She smiles back at me the entire time, and . . . I dunno, it's almost like we're looking into each other or something. I can see how tired she is, how much she wants to rest, but I can also see how much peace she's already found. Maybe that whole reflecting thing she did while staring out the dirty window gave her some perspective.

Whatever it is, she looks almost content. And whatever it is, I don't really care; I'm just happy that it's giving us this bit of time together. Maybe it's the small piece of closure that I need before I head back to Stockton.

I'm pretty surprised when I see Buffy stand up from her seat, stretch, and then walk over and plop herself on my seat.

"So," she begins as she sits down with ease, "what do you think about all of this?" She asks as she indicates the now quiet bus.

"I think we did a kickass job," I answer back. "I think everyone's earned a well deserved vacation."

She nods her head in response, and a comfortable silence creeps over us. B looks down the aisle and assesses everyone, while I just glance out the window. A long open road with endless possibilities.

For the first time in ages, I feel like we're . . . okay.

"I've been thinking," she begins again, "I mean, I'm not exactly sure where we're heading. Me and Dawn, that is. She keeps talking about Europe. I don't know how I feel about that yet, but wherever we end up, maybe . . . maybe you should come with us."

Umm, excuse me?

I turn my head and look at Buffy, sat there looking as tired as ever, but also hopeful. Is she serious?

"Are you serious?"

She shrugs.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know if we're gonna end up in Cleveland like Giles mentioned, or if we're off somewhere new and exciting, but . . . it'd be nice to have you with us. I think that maybe we have a shot at actually learning and growing from the past. Hey . . . we could be the chosen two again. It could be fun."

"Yeah, it could be fun, but we're not the chosen two anymore, B," I say matter-of-factly with a chuckle. "We're two of many. And as much as I'd like to think I deserve a place at your side like in the good ol' days, the sad truth is that . . . I don't."

She furrows her eyebrows, obviously not liking what I've said. I don't want her to think that I'm bitter though. I let go of all of that a long time ago.

"Buffy," I say, looking into her eyes, "there's no place for an escaped convict at your side. It's all too risky. Hell, this wasn't supposed to have even happened; I'm supposed to be behind bars right now. I helped because I was needed, but like you said: we won. It's over and done with now, and I've gotta go back to where I belong."

She hesitates. She's choosing her words carefully and I can tell.

"Maybe you belong with us," she says quietly. "Maybe that's why you got out of jail without a hitch. Maybe that's why you survived the battle when only a bus full of us did. Willow can work her mojo and zap your record, and poof . . . you're free to get your happy on."

"All good reasons," I answer with a nod. Hell, I wish she was right, but I know otherwise. "But the truth is, B, that I don't really have a place to belong right now. I have a lotta shit that I need to make up for. That doesn't happen while I'm gettin my happy on in Ohio or anywhere else."

And like the flip of a switch, Buffy's gone from tired and content to annoyed and upset.

I don't really understand what's going on here. Why can't she just accept that I need to do this? That I need to keep on my own path? Following her around just cos she asked me to doesn't set things right, nor does it make all the bad just . . . go away.

"Faith, why are you being like this?" she asks, frustrated. "Don't you understand that I'm asking you to come with us? It's not an easy thing to do, but I'm offering it anyway, and you're basically slapping my hand away. I thought you'd appreciate it. We _want_ you to come with us."

And suddenly I feel like I'm being backed in a corner. I don't wanna do this; I don't wanna fight. Not after we just saved the world; not after we finally had our moment of 'peace' together.

"I do appreciate it, B, trust me," I say, my voice less friendly now. I'm still quiet; I don't wanna wake up the bus, after all. All I need is an audience to watch a repeat performance of the Buffy and Faith show. We can never just let things be, yunno?

It's all been done before.

"But," I continue, "don't you appreciate the fact that I'm trying to stay on the straight and narrow? That I'm trying to do something right in my life for the first time in ages? That no matter what mojo Red works, it doesn't change who I am and what I did?"

She's angry now. I can tell it in the way she's sitting, in the way she's holding her jaw tight as she speaks again.

"Of course I appreciate that, but aren't you done punishing yourself? You did bad. You went to prison. We grow and learn and move on."

I sigh and rub my eyes with the palms of my hands. Please, Buffy . . . don't make me do this. This girl knows that I'll do anything that she asks. As much as I want to keep on keeping on, I know that I'll cave if she keeps this shit up.

I so need to be fucking strong right now.

"Why are you pushing this, Buffy? My mind's made up," I say, my exhaustion apparent in my voice.

"Because you're not listening to me," she answers, truly annoyed now.

"I AM listening. I listened, and then I explained why I can't. Why can't you just let it go?"

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" She fires back quickly. "Seriously, just . . . forget for a moment that you're trying to . . ."

I sigh loudly and can't stop the words that fly out of my mouth.

"Goddammit, Buffy, why can't you just let _me_ go?"

The words were neither soft nor quiet. In an instant, I hear rustling on the bus as a few people turn to see what's going on. I don't see them though. I'm having a stare-down with B. There's anger in her eyes, and frustration, and . . . maybe even a bit of hurt?

But I don't have the chance to ask her. Before we have the opportunity to talk it over, she's up and out of my seat and back in hers, staring out the window with her arms crossed over her chest.

She doesn't say two words to me the rest of the trip to LA. In fact, she doesn't say two words to anyone at all. Red came back to check on her after our little conversation, but B just shook her head and dismissed her.

Needless to say, B gets up from her seat and is off the bus before we even come to a full stop in LA. She makes her way into the large hotel before I can catch up with her, and I figure that she doesn't want to be found at this point.

As much as I'd like to think otherwise, Buffy and me? We can never be friends. She'll always be stubborn, and I'll always be wrong.

Maybe not in her eyes, but at least in my own.

I decide to take one last night to enjoy freedom before I head back to the clink. Giles told me I could have my own room after I explained my situation to him, and I've been sat up here almost the whole day. I watch some TV, and I sit on the balcony and . . . don't smoke.

Damn, I'm defo wishing I hadn't thrown my last pack out the bus window.

Giles cheerily agreed to spring for hotel rooms, but he wouldn't spend five bucks on a pack of smokes for me. That's fucked up, right?

Guess I can't blame him. It's a bad habit anyhow.

I'd much rather be spending my last free hours breathing in the fresh air, and watching the sun travel across the sky and settle. I wanna see the stars come out, and I wanna watch them fade into morning.

You don't get to do simple stuff like that in prison. You start to miss it after awhile.

I spoke with Angel a while ago; he's got lotsa drama going on, but he agreed to go with me when I turn myself in. I'm pretty sure that nothing he says will make them forgive me for up and escaping, but . . . well, it can't hurt. Red's gonna work some mojo so that he can be in the sun for a few hours.

Not sure why, but I keep going back to what Buffy said. She told me that Red would do her computer thing and zap my record clean. And yeah, that doesn't change what I did. I can't take anything I did back. But . . . damn. Livin' it up with B and Dawnie in Italy . . . that sounds like a pretty good deal to me. I'm not real cultured or anything, but I've heard good things about Italy.

And yeah, I was pretty shocked that B agreed to go to Italy so quickly. Dawnie mentioned it in passing during a Scooby meeting, Giles said it had good schools, and B agreed without even giving it much thought, or any thought at all.

Guess she just wants to put as much distance between us as possible.

But still . . . it's not stopping me from thinking about what life would be like if I made the move to Italy with Dawn and B. Giles could probably hook us up with some kinda slaying jobs, and if not, well . . . I'd just get one of those little mopeds and ride around looking fashionable and saying 'ciao' a lot.

I could probably get paid for that, right?

No doubt I'd keep on flirting with Buffy, just like I always have since day one. It's fun watching her squirm under pressure. And who knows . . . maybe after a bottle of some cheap wine, she'd let me get lucky. Cos I'm romantic and stuff.

Yeah, that'd be a good deal. Almost good enough to make me re-think my decision, but not _that_ good.

I'm distracted from my thoughts when I hear a soft knock at the door. I figure that it has to be Giles or someone coming to say goodbye. Yeah, they all know the plan now. I guess they've been pretty understanding. Red offered to work her mojo but I kindly refused. I told her to check back in a few years in case I get a bit stir crazy.

I hop off the balcony ledge and make my way across the small room, pulling my terrycloth white robe closed as much as possible. Laundry service offered to wash our battle-stained clothes and I figured that it'd be best if I went back to prison without blood stains all over me.

When I finally make it to the door and pull it open, I'm a bit freaked out to see B standing there. She's got her arms wrapped around her body and she has tears in her eyes and . . . who told her where my room was?

We gaze at each other for a few moments in silence, waiting for the other to say something.

Hey, she's the one who came to see me. She can talk first, thank you.

Instead of talking, she steps into my room and gets right up in my space as she closes the door behind her. I stand firm, not backing up, trying not to let on how surprised I am to see her here.

A few more moments pass and I can tell she's struggling with herself. Just as I go to take pity on her and break the silence, she reaches out quickly and puts her hands through my hair, pulling me down into a passionate kiss.

Unexpected? Totally. I'd ask her what was going on if my tongue wasn't too busy trying to keep up with hers. Hell, I'd try to put my hands on her shoulders and push her back if they weren't too busy resting on her hips, pulling her closer to me. And I'd totally take a step back, if I wasn't already being pushed back towards the big bed in the middle of the room.

I feel the back of my legs hit the bed, but there ain't no way that I'm about to be dom'd by Buffy Summers when I don't even know what the hell's going on here. As I start to tumble back, I pull Buffy with me and turn so that she lands on her back with me hovering just above her.

Not sure how I manage it, but I pull away from her lips – god, the dreams I've had about those lips – and look down at her. There are tears in her eyes and she's doing her best to reach my lips again, but I stay just out of range.

"B?" I ask, my voice shaky. "What . . . I don't understand . . ."

"Shhh," she interrupts, leaning up far enough this time to brush her lips over mine. "Please . . . just, please . . ." she pleads, resting back down with her hands in my hair, pulling me down with her.

And as strong as I'm trying to be about staying on the right path, this – this moment that I have with Buffy – I can't fight it. I'm not strong enough. It's what I've always wanted.

I don't know how many hours we lay together, kissing and fucking and . . . shit, maybe even making love. I can't say cos I've never done it before, but what we did together was different from anything I've ever done or felt.

At some point in time we fell asleep, the moonlight filtering softly over our naked, tangled bodies. I'm pretty sure that when we fell back onto the bed to sleep, B was all up on me, but when I wake up at the first signs of daylight, she's on the far end of the bed on her side with her back toward me.

I reach out across the bed to touch her, but I pull my hand back at the last second. I can't. It's too hard. I have to walk away soon.

Buffy must've felt the slight movement on the bed, because I hear her speak quietly.

"Is it almost time?" she barely whispers.

"Yeah," I answer, my voice thick with sleep. "Angel will be here in a couple hours."

A couple minutes of really awkward silence pass by before I hear a sniffle. I try to reach out again, but Buffy gets up from the bed and starts searching for her clothes, putting them on piece by piece.

"B," I start, not really knowing what to say. I don't want her crying. It's breakin my heart here.

"Don't," she says quietly still, trying to avoid looking at me at all costs. "Yesterday on the bus, you asked me why I couldn't let you go."

I nod rather than answer her. I don't know if I can speak right now.

She puts on her shirt, the last of her clothes, and looks around the room before finally looking over her shoulder at me, tears streaming down her face.

"That's why," she says, her eyes welling up with even more tears.

She walks to the door and lets herself out without so much as another glance back. I'm still laying here on the bed, naked and covered in her scent, in the same position that I was five minutes ago.

There's too much to think, too much to say . . . too much to regret.

I could go with her. I can run after her, spin her in my arms, and kiss her with everything I've got and promise to never leave her side. I can promise her the happily ever after that we deserve.

But that won't happen. Ever. I have to go where I'm supposed to be.

Fuck.

I bang my head back on the headboard and close my eyes, sighing deep.

Never really liked Italian food anyway.


	2. Not Be Shy

**Author's Notes:** Please note that this is a completely different story from the first. The two stories are unrelated except for the fact that they both involve what may have happened between Buffy and Faith after Sunnydale.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed; you made my day. :) I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one if you can spare the time.

**Suggested music: Shy by Ani Difranco**

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**Part Two – Not Be Shy **

What's the difference between love and lust?

I've tried to figure that out for a long time. I mean, I've wanted a lot of people, not gonna lie about that. But it was different with Buffy. Yeah, I wanted her. A lot. So much that it fucked me up in the head.

Not saying I wasn't a bit fucked up before then, but that's beside the point.

I'd only ever wanted people in a sexual kinda way. Never had a 'relationship' and never wanted one. Saw what it did to my parents and figured I could live without being in one.

But then Buffy fucking Summers came into my life and went and fucked all that right up. I wanted her, and I don't mean only in the sex kinda way. I mean in the love kinda way. I wanted to love her, to be loved by her. A fuckin relationship, the whole deal. Knew it wouldn't happen though, so I did everything I possibly could to push her away.

Having her as a friend wasn't enough for me back then. It was all or nothing.

I chose nothing.

Thing about prison though? You get lots of time to think abut things. How you got there, how you coulda done things differently. Ultimately, all that thinking is for shit cos you're there anyway, but it does make you realize things.

Me? I realized that yeah, I was in love with Buffy back in Sunnydale. Am I still? I dunno; does shit like that ever go away? But what I've come to realize is that unlike years ago, I'm content with having her as only a friend now.

Better to have friends than be alone.

Took me a long time to be able to admit that – that I don't wanna be alone – but the time it took me was well spent. I'm in a better place now. A more peaceful place.

A drunker place.

I'm not a drunk, so quit thinking that shit.

I'm in the middle of some club in LA, sat on a big ol' couch with Buffy, Xander, and Kennedy and Willow while Dawnie and a bunch of the other girls are out on the dance floor getting their groove on.

Yeah, Scoobies decided to have one last night out together as a group before we all leave LA in the morning. Sure, friends usually stick together, but they all decided that they needed some time to enjoy their newfound leases on life.

As for me, I'm defo gonna enjoy my new lease on life. Giles has the hookup, man, I'm telling ya. Think he made about ten, maybe eleven calls and my record was buried deeper than Jimmy Hoffa's body. Red helped, making sure to zap any lingering records that were in the government computer system, and poof . . . Faith is a free girl.

I promised Giles that I'd help him out with the whole slayer gig, so he's more than happy about his decision to help me out. Guess he figured what better way to whip the troublesome new slayers into shape than with the original troublesome slayer there to play poster child.

So, B and Dawnie are taking off to Italy in the morning, and the rest of the Scoobies are taking little detours on their way to their new lives. Tonight is their last hurrah, and what better way to celebrate than by getting tanked and dancing to some crazy loud music?

We've been here for a few hours, having way too many drinks and reliving tales of the good ol' days back in Sunnydale. Buffy's been really cool with me, sharing tales with everyone about our joint slaying adventures and totally omitting the parts where I went a little evil.

Yunno what? Totally can't complain. It's nice to be remembered for good stuff and not for the million times I fucked up.

The night's winding down now and Xander left with a bunch of the younger girls and Dawn, making sure they all got back to the hotel safely. Red and B have been going back and forth with memories for the last twenty minutes now, and I'll tell ya . . . there's absolutely no fuckin way to interrupt two drunk chicks that are talking a mile a minute. Ken checked into la-la land about five minutes ago. Girl's a lightweight. Seven drinks and she's asleep on the gigantic couch with an ever attractive dab of drool in the corner of her mouth.

I've been lost in my own thoughts for a while now too, but I'm pulled out of them and back to the now when I feel a slight tugging on the bottom of my shirt.

"I'm gonna get another beer. You want?" Buffy asks as she stands and indicates the bar.

"Sounds good," I answer with a smile.

She bounces off toward the bar and I turn back just in time to see Kennedy fall off the couch as Willow leans forward reaching for her drink.

"Oh, baby!" Willow says as she leans down and helps a disoriented Kennedy up from the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping."

"I think I broke my head," Kennedy says, rubbing the goose egg that's forming on the side of her forehead.

"Poor baby, we need to get you home and get you fixed up."

Willow stands up and ducks her head under Kennedy's arm, helping her to her feet.

"Sexual healing?" Kennedy asks and laughs at her own joke. It's okay, I chuckled too.

"Oh, I'm thinking something more along the lines of two aspirin and a spell that will keep you from puking in the nice hotel bed," Willow replies, then looks over to me. "Tell Buffy we'll see her in the morning before she goes?"

"Sure thing," I answer with a nod.

"Thanks. And Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"It's been nice. I may actually miss you," she says with a grin.

"Likewise, Glinda. Keep Ken in check, yeah? And I'll see ya around."

"I look forward to it," she says with a genuine smile, then turns and helps Kennedy stumble toward the exit.

A few minutes pass before Buffy comes bouncing back to the couch, swaying to the music while trying not to spill our drinks. She stops when she reaches the area we've been sitting at and looks around, confused.

"Either I'm really drunk and I can't see my friends, or they've gone invisible." She gets really serious for a second and looks at me. "Oh god, are they invisible?"

I can't help but laugh.

"You're safe, blondie, no one's invisible, at least not so you'd notice."

That seems to appease her, cos she starts up her dance-walk again and plops down next to me on the couch, nearly spilling our drinks all over us.

"Careful, Grace," I tease her, taking my bottle of beer from her hand.

"It's Buffy, not Grace," she corrects me with a grin. "No confusing me with your alternate-lifestyle conquests."

Shit. I knew I never shoulda told her that I dig chicks too. Every chance she gets, she likes to tease me about it and make 'alternate-lifestyle' jokes. Man, I bet it'd shut her up if I told her that whenever I was with a chick, I was busy pretending it was her.

Then again, I'm pretty sure that friends don't say shit like that to friends, so I decide to let it go for now.

"Now don't be jealous, B. Just cos you never got a turn on Faith's wild ride doesn't mean you have to be bitter. Besides . . . I'm all about the good deeds these days. I'm more than happy to teach you the mechanics of Bisexuality 101."

Ha. Pretty sure friends don't tease each other quite like that either, but . . . what the hell. We're leaving in the morning. No reason to be shy, right?

"You, my pervy little friend, wish," she says, all close against my side.

Pretty sure she should stop the drinking though, because she's getting pretty friendly here with the closeness and the touching.

Not complaining, but . . . it's not easy for me to fight back the temptation when I've got a nice buzz going and I'm feeling all relaxed and mellow like I am right now.

I don't know if it's the drink or the atmosphere or the fact that we're all outta here tomorrow, but I can't help responding honestly to what she just said.

"Always have."

B looks over at me, her eyebrows knitted together a bit as she smiles, confused.

"What?"

Time to go for broke. Hopefully she's drunk enough to forget it in the morning.

"Always have, B. Was totally head-over-heals crazy bout ya back in the day. Wouldn't have liked anything more than to have shown ya the ropes."

"What?" she asks again, smiling all big now. "You were not."

"Totally was."

"No way."

"Yeah way. I mean, yeah, I hated ya and stuff. But that's cos I was so in love with you and you were all straight and bein all lovey with Angel and shit. Made me fuckin crazy."

She looks at me for a second, studying my face, probably trying to see if I'm lying or just teasing her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asks, sitting sideways next to me now, totally facing me.

"See above answer, re: you being all straight and in love with Angel."

"Angel and I were doomed from the start and you knew that."

"Yup. Point is you didn't though. What was I gonna do? Be all like, 'Wassup B? You and deadboy are totally fucked. Wanna come over and learn how to ride pussy?' Don't think that woulda worked."

I stop and reach forward to grab a napkin from the table, then hand it to Buffy so she can clean the drink she just spit all over herself. She accepts it and dabs at her shirt and the couch, looking all embarrassed.

"Nice going, Grace," I tease her again, using another napkin to wipe some beer from her chin.

She looks up into my eyes and my hand freezes on her face.

Umm, shit.

"You should've said something," she says. "Maybe not, yunno, exactly like you just said. But you should've said something else. I might've listened."

"Yeah, maybe," I say, my eyes still locked on hers. I take a deep breath and look back to the table in front of us, tossing the now damp napkin on it. "Doesn't really matter now though. Past's the past and all that."

"Yeah," she says almost sadly, resting back on the couch.

"And hey, the future's the future, too. Tomorrow we all get on some planes and take off in different directions to start these great new lives, right? I mean, we all may never see each other again. Crazy, right?"

"Yeah, crazy."

Her voice is a lot quieter now, and she's off in some far distant place in her mind. We sit in silence for a while, nursing our last drinks, before I finally suggest that maybe we should get back and get some rest for the big day tomorrow.

The cab ride back is also quiet for the most part, with just some empty chatter about check out times and flight numbers. It's not awkward. It just is what it is, yunno?

When we get into the elevator and head up to our rooms, I'm more than a bit shocked to feel Buffy's hand slip into mine. I look down at our hands, then up at Buffy. She's smiling all soft, and I see it there . . . forgiveness. Complete and total forgiveness, a clean slate.

The moment is interrupted by the ding of the elevator and the doors sliding open.

"This is my floor," I say, giving her hand a little squeeze.

"Oh, right."

Buffy hesitantly lets go of my hand. Weird, but I won't think about it now. I go to say my goodbye to her, to tell her that no matter where she goes or what she does she'll be fine because she's Buffy, but I'm temporarily silenced when I feel her embrace me in a warm hug.

"Be good," she says, her head resting on my shoulder and her warm breath caressing over my ear.

"Me? Always, B."

She pulls back just a bit and looks up into my eyes, then leans forward and places the softest, most chaste kiss right on the corner of my mouth. My eyes slam shut and I inhale deeply, trying to fight the urge to respond in the way I want to: pushing her up against the elevator wall and taking her the way I've always wanted her.

After a second I feel her pull back and I open my eyes again, looking down at her.

It takes me a second but I finally remember that I have feet – and legs – so I offer her a little smile and use them, walking my ass right out of that elevator and toward my room. Just as I slide my key into the door, I hear the elevator ding again. I look over wistfully, hoping to see Buffy running toward me with her arms out, but it's just a bellboy.

"Ma'am," he says and nods as he passes.

I nod back and unlock the door, stepping inside the darkened room. A quick flick of the light switch fixes that right up, and I can see a folder placed on the bed. Giles musta stopped by. I sit on the edge of the bed and open up the folder, smiling all big when I find a passport and a plane ticket inside.

Faith Lehane, free and living easy.

Looks like I'm headed to Barbados to pick up a new slayer, Liana. Leave it to Giles to send me to Barbados and expect me to leave on the same day. Ain't no way. I'll change the ticket tomorrow afternoon, make it so I can stay for a few days to get some sun and fun.

I'll need a bathing suit. Fuck, I bet they have nude beaches there. Maybe I can save the fifty bucks . . .

A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts. Probably Giles coming to check that I got the folder. Folder in hand, I make my way to the door, ready to give him hell for being a scrooge with the free time.

Needless to say, I'm a bit more than surprised to see Buffy standing there, hands on either side of the door frame, looking all kindsa charged up.

"Hi."

"Uh, hey. You need an escort to your room, B?" I ask, forgetting that she'd had a lot to drink.

"I'm not drunk," she says quickly. "My last three drinks had no alcohol in them. I . . ." she stops and looks down, fighting with herself.

"What?" I ask, taking a step closer.

She looks up, determination in her eyes.

"Let's not ask what next, or how or why. I . . . I'm leaving in the morning."

She's looking at me, waiting for me to respond in some way, but I'm at a bit of a loss. Is she . . .?

She takes a step closer and I feel her hand on my bicep, holding it gently.

Shit, I think she is.

When I grin at her, she smiles back shyly. Well I'll be damned. I step back from the door, giving her plenty of room to walk in.

"Then let's not be shy," I tell her, looking her up and down as she walks in and past me.

Time for a little Bisexuality 101.

I turn to close the door and Buffy's all over me before I can even fully turn around. Her hands are in my hair and she's holding me to her, kissing me with all she's got. I match her every nibble and every kiss, all while trying my best to undo the buttons on her shirt.

Now, I've never had problems in the bedroom, right? But there are like eleventy-seven buttons on this tiny damn shirt and I can't get a fucking one of them undone. I'm about to complain when I feel her hands leave my hair and grab onto the shirt, ripping it off of herself.

"Clothes are bad," she says breathlessly as she bring her lips back to mine, kissing me again while trying to get my shirt off.

No way in hell I'm letting her rip this shirt cos I just got it like three days ago, so I help her out and lift it off, tossing it down to the side.

She pulls back and looks down, checking out the goods. Bras are for suckers.

"You've always had the best body," she says as she slowly runs her hands over my stomach and up my sides, pulling me right up against her.

"Don't talk til you've seen the ass," I tell her as I keep trying to undress her.

"Oh, I've seen the ass," she says as she takes hold of my butt with both hands, giving it a nice grope. "Ever wonder why I'd get all pissy if you lagged behind me while patrolling, but I never cared when you walked ahead?"

I grin all big as I think back and remember just that.

"You weren't the only one studying bisexuality back then," she finishes with a grin as I finally get both of our pants unbuttoned and down.

I try to walk us over to the bed, but my feet get tangled in my pants that are pooled around my ankles and we stumble and flop onto the bed in a heap. We laugh for a moment or so before I suddenly realize this isn't starting out so smoothly.

"For the record, that little stumbling incident doesn't make me any less smooth or fly," I tell her. "Everyone stumbles before they get into their groove."

"Sure thing, Grace," she teases, and I grin down at her.

"No getting me confused with the girls from your expeditions into alternative lifestyles," I say, mimicking her earlier words.

Buffy slides her fingers back into my hair and stares into my eyes, letting her legs fall apart just a bit so that I can slide down between them. She bites on her bottom lip and I moan softly as our centers press together.

"Never been about Grace; it's always been about Faith," she says quietly before pulling me down to her lips, kissing me all soft and deep.

I was wrong earlier. She wasn't offering me forgiveness with a look. She's offering me forgiveness with a gesture, and I happily accept.

Hours pass and we finally fall asleep. I'm not sure what time it is when I first crack my eye open to see sunlight, and I don't have a chance to look over at the alarm clock before I hear the door open.

I turn my head just in time to see the housekeeper walking in with her large key ring, expecting to find an empty room.

"Hey. Morning,"I say, my voice thick and scratchy.

She jumps up and clutches her hand over her heart, the keys jangling in her chubby hand.

"Dios mio!" she exclaims, then quickly closes her eyes and tries to make a quick exit. "Lo siento, Missus."

The door closes and I roll over, tasting the pillow with my grin. I take a few minutes to stretch out, noticing the completely empty bed.

It's okay, I wasn't expecting her to be there. She had a plane to catch, after all.

After a few minutes I sit up in the bed, pulling the sheets up over my chest. They're all twisted and still damp with sweat and god knows what else. I can't help the big ol' smile that comes up on my face when I remember last night. The first time, and the second time, and the seventh and eighth time . . . damn.

I flop back down onto the mattress and close my eyes, pretending for a minute that Buffy's still here and that I can feel the mattress sink under her weight as she comes back from the bathroom. It's stupid, sure, but hey . . . I'm basking.

When I open my eyes, I notice something sitting on the bedside table. It's the folder Giles left, but there's some writing on it. I lean over and grab it, pulling it onto the bed so I can read it.

'_Giles is thinking of adding a Slayer training facility in Rome. You should ask him about it'._

_--B xx_

I smile.

Maybe I'll forget about changing the Barbados trip and get right on Giles about that facility.

My stomach growls. I'm suddenly craving Italian.


	3. Stealing Home

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for all of your awesome feedback and input. :) This one was a bit of a struggle, but it eventually got where I needed it to go. Hope you enjoy it. :)

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**Part Three – Stealing Home**

Being stuck at the Cleveland Marriott on a Saturday night in a stuffy and overly decorated banquet room wasn't exactly Faith's idea of a good time. She could have been at one of her favorite clubs dancing the night away or out on a hot date. Still, when she'd received an invite for Dawn's surprise birthday party, she'd accepted immediately.

Something about finally being accepted among the Scoobies had her coming back to each and every one of these lame parties again and again. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she actually liked them once they'd let her in. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Buffy got hotter and hotter every time Faith saw her, and the eye candy was a nice distraction.

Or maybe it was the fact that Faith finally felt like she'd grown some roots with these people – her friends, and she didn't want to lose that feeling, no matter how dull their parties were when compared to her average weekend nights.

Whatever the reason, Faith stood with her elbow resting on the bar, nursing a bottle of Budweiser while playing the role of the quiet observer at the party.

Dawn and about thirty of the new slayers were running around the hotel in their bathing suits, trying to find the luxurious pool area, the whole reason why Buffy and Willow had planned the party at the hotel in the first place. The young girls had invited Faith to join them, but she had a hard time telling them that the reason she hadn't brought her bathing suit was because she didn't own one. The only swimming she liked to partake in was naked swimming, and that was mostly in her bath tub.

She hardly thought that the hotel staff would enjoy her parading around nude in front of the other guests, though she couldn't understand why. Faith reasoned that with a body like hers, people would be lining up to sneak a peek.

With most of the younger crowd off and causing trouble, the small banquet room was left with the usual crowd – a cell phone clutching Buffy, Willow and Kennedy, Xander, Andrew, and Giles, of course. Andrew had tried to follow the younger girls to the pool, but after a threat or two of drowning, he decided to stay back in the banquet room.

"This party would be so much better if everyone stopped threatening to hold my head under water," Andrew said under his breath as he plopped down on a tall chair next to Faith.

He reached carelessly behind him on the bar to grab some cashews and hit a glass full of some type of fruity concoction, nearly toppling it over before Faith reached out and steadied it.

"New rule," she said evenly, "you spill anything on me tonight, I fill up a bucket with some beer and hold your head under it for an hour or two. It'll be a whole different experience from the water."

Andrew looked at Faith with a crooked grin, but it faded away when he saw that she wasn't smiling back.

"Noted," he said quietly, squirming uncomfortably.

Faith looked off across the room, watching over the rest of the Scoobies. Willow and Xander were excitedly telling stories of the past, keeping Kennedy and Giles thoroughly entertained. Buffy, however, looked like she was on another planet, checking the silent cell phone in her hand every few seconds.

An annoying crunching noise next to her grabbed Faith's attention.

"These cashews are the best I've ever had."

Faith looked over to Andrew, who was now holding the small crystal bowl of nuts on his lap, inspecting each one before he popped them in his mouth. After a moment or two he looked up at Faith, smiling unsurely before offering up the bowl to share.

"After you've had your mitts in it? Think again, Spock."

"I'm clean for the most part," Andrew said with a frown before shrugging and digging back into the bowl.

He, too, took his time observing and watching the people in the room, taking his own personal notes.

"She should just accept the fact that he's not going to call."

"What?" Faith asked, gazing from Buffy to Andrew.

"Buffy. She and James had the fight to end all fights last night. It seems he's tired of being kept in the dark about her personal Buffy-life, and she's not ready to share those intimate details as of yet," he explained.

Faith quirked an eyebrow as she glared at him.

"And you know the fine details how?"

He shrugged as he continued to watch Buffy.

"Thin walls. Her phone conversation wasn't entirely private. Everyone heard it, that's why they're not saying anything."

Faith scratched her head, confused.

"Where the hell was I when all this was going down?"

Again, Andrew shrugged. "It was Friday. You were out, just like always."

Faith thought about it for a moment. He was right. Friday and Saturday nights she made herself scarce around Scooby central and did her own thing.

"Well maybe I'll have to stick around a bit more if all the good stuff's happenin on the weekends."

Faith finished off the last of her beer just as the bartender was bringing her another bottle. She accepted the fresh drink from the girl with a smile and a wink before abandoning her spot at the bar to go and finally join the Scoobies in their lively conversations.

Her first instinct was to grab a chair next to Xander and again play silent observer, but seeing the melancholy look on Buffy's face, she grabbed a chair and plopped it next to her, turning it so that she was straddling it backwards.

"What's up?" she asked, pulling Buffy's attention from her still silent cell phone.

"Oh . . . not much. Are you enjoying yourself?" Buffy asked, smiling to cover her previous frown. At Faith's nod, she continued, "The girls are swimming. You should go and join them."

"Wow. Only been here fifteen seconds and already you're tryin to get rid of me. I'm wounded, B," Faith joked.

"Oh stop it," Buffy said with a smile, "if I was trying to get rid of you, you'd be stationed with Andrew in the Czech Republic right now."

"Harsh."

"Completely."

A moment of silence passed between them and Buffy took the opportunity to glance down at her cell phone again, flicking it open quietly before closing it, disappointed.

Faith watched the small display and couldn't help but feel bad for Buffy. She didn't like seeing the girl hung up on some jerk who'd abandon her after such a short time merely because she was taking her time opening up. Faith knew all too well how hard it was to open up sometimes.

She still had problems with it after all these years.

Hoping to give Buffy a bit of solace, Faith spoke up again.

"Buildings like this always get shitty reception, yunno. Bet he's been tryin to call and just can't get through."

Buffy looked over to Faith, a hopeful look on her face.

"You think so?"

"Definitely," Faith lied. "Maybe you should take a trip down to the lobby and try giving him a call from there. He's probably totally worried that you're not answering."

She didn't like lying to Buffy, but she didn't like seeing her so sad. Never had, and would never get used to it, either.

"Yeah," Buffy said, not sounding completely convinced. She stood from her chair anyway, ready to take Faith's advice.

Faith stood too, grabbing her jacket.

"Mind if I hitch a ride down with ya? Gonna run outside and have a quick smoke before the girls get back."

Buffy stopped and glared at Faith, but the glare was only half serious.

"Dawn's gonna freak if she finds out you're still smoking. You're obviously forgetting how she used to try to randomly stick those nicotine patches on you when you slept."

Faith could only laugh in response. Dawn had indeed tried that, and it had actually worked. Faith successfully quit smoking. Still, it didn't stop her from having a smoke or two in social settings.

"No way I'm forgetting that. I thought some patch-sticking demon was comin after me in my sleep. I'll make ya a deal though; you let me finish this pack off tonight, only two left in there, and I'm done for good."

Buffy thought it over for a few moments before holding out her hand to Faith. They shook on it, then excused themselves to the Scoobies and made their way toward the elevator.

The girls stepped in the small elevator and hit the lobby button, then leaned back against the cool metal wall. Piano music played softly from the speakers as Buffy and Faith stood silently, Buffy still looking down at her phone every few seconds. The lights flickered once, causing both girls to look up.

They flickered one more time before turning off completely as the elevator came to a sudden halt between floors.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked as the emergency light came on, barely illuminating the small elevator. She reached out and started randomly punching the now darkened buttons.

Faith held up her hands, both eyebrows raised high.

"I didn't do it."

"Of course you didn't," Buffy said as she fumbled with the door to the emergency phone. "The elevator broke. We're trapped in here. We're gonna run out of air."

For a moment Faith thought that maybe Buffy was right, but then she closed her eyes and used her slayer hearing to see if she could pick up on any noises that might indicate what was going on.

"Shh, close your eyes, B, tell me what you hear."

Buffy surprisingly did as she was told and closed her eyes, focusing on the sounds of the large hotel.

"Nothing. I hear nothing besides a few voices."

"Right," Faith said and opened her eyes. "There are no electrical hums anywhere in this building. It's a power outage. No need to freak, they'll get it sorted."

"Yeah, but who knows when," Buffy said dismissively. She finally pried the box open and reached the emergency phone. After a few moments, she hung it back up in defeat. "It's dead."

"Course it is. But hey, least we got this little emergency light . . ." Faith began, but her voice trailed off as the light dimmed, then fizzled out. "Least we have each other," she corrected.

Even with their enhanced slayer vision, it was still almost too dark to make out anything in the dark elevator. Faith heard rather than saw Buffy slide down the wall into a sitting position. She followed suit, moving over to the same wall and sliding down it to the cool floor.

She kept a bit of space between them, however, as she didn't want to make Buffy feel more claustrophobic than she already likely was.

After a few minutes passed, Faith chuckled to herself as she saw the faint glow of an opened cell phone illuminate the space next to her.

"If it didn't work in there, it ain't gonna work in here," Faith teased.

She could see the sad smile on Buffy's face just before she flipped the small phone shut.

"It was working in there. He's just not calling. Guess I was silly to think that he would," Buffy said sadly.

"You don't know that for sure, B. Besides . . . why are you gettin all bent outta shape about some guy that isn't patient enough to give you time to be open? You told him you do dangerous work and that you'd explain it when you knew how; why the fuck is he pushing?"

Faith's agitation was clear in her voice. She'd met James once, and though he was a nice piece of eye candy, there wasn't much else to him. She couldn't understand why Buffy seemed so hung up on him.

"He just wants to know me," Buffy explained. "He says that I'm not telling him stuff because I'm trying to keep him at arm's length. I dunno. Maybe I am."

"Or maybe you're just scared about his reaction. Understandably. Most people don't know how to react when they find out that there really _are_ things that go bump in the night."

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm not opening up because I don't think he's the one for me."

Faith chuckled at Buffy's words.

"B, you've known the guy for all of what . . . like three months? Sometimes it's not about happily ever after. It's about the here and now. The after can come later. You don't hafta walk down the aisle with the guy next week or anything."

"I know that," Buffy said, chuckling a little bit too. "But every person I've ever dated, I've done so saying, 'I can see myself ending up with him' or something similar. I can't do that with James."

Buffy didn't need lights to know that Faith was raising an eyebrow at her now.

"You seriously thought you were gonna end up with Angel? Or Riley? Or . . . Spike? That's comical, B. You went out with all of them because you _knew_ that there was no happily ever after with them. You thought you were gonna die young, so you picked these guys that you had no chance with."

"I had a chance with Riley," Buffy interrupted.

"Yeah, and I have a chance with Andrew," Faith replied, earning a laugh from Buffy. "You've got a pretty normal life now, B – or at least as normal as it gets for us. Betcha that you can actually see the finish line now . . . the thee-bedroom house, the white picket fence, the dog and the gerbils . . ."

"Don't you mean kids?" Buffy interrupted again.

"Same difference," Faith answered quickly, glad that the dark hid her grin. "You've got this whole relationship self-destruct button that you're itching to push. Ya gotta learn to avoid it, cos you're gonna drive yourself nuts. Possibly the rest of us too."

Buffy sat and thought about what Faith said for a few minutes, letting it all sink in. Maybe Faith was right. Maybe she did have a habit of hitting the self-destruct button whenever things were looking promising.

"When did you get all logical?" she asked Faith, nudging her with her elbow.

"Somewhere between LA and Cleveland. Guess being around all you goody-goodies rubbed off on me a bit, huh."

"Not a bad thing as I see it," Buffy said honestly and reached out, slipping her hand around Faith's.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

Faith laced her fingers through Buffy's and gave her hand a light squeeze, silently thanking her for the compliment that was never directly said.

It didn't need to be. Faith heard it loud and clear.

"You honestly don't think that I'm just fucked up in the head?" Buffy asked, half joking but half serious.

She felt Faith scooch a little bit closer to her, then felt Faith take her other hand in hers.

"Do I think you're fucked up in the head? No. And to be perfectly honest, B, I think you're one of the most stable, rational, and collected people I know. You're like . . . driven, and strong, and you have the biggest heart I've ever seen in any person, no doubt about it. I noticed it the first time I met ya, and you've affirmed my thoughts again and again. You're a beautiful person, Buffy, inside and out. And yunno what? You deserve to be happy."

Faith waited for some kind of response. Several minutes passed, but they sat in silence still, and Faith began to wonder if maybe Buffy had fallen asleep or something.

"You still there, or am I holding someone else's hands here?" Faith asked, giving Buffy's hands a light squeeze.

After a moment or two, Buffy finally said quietly,

"You really think all of that?"

"And then some," Faith answered immediately. You're the ultimate package, B. Also helps that you're wicked hot."

"Shut up," Buffy said, letting go of one of Faith's hands to smack her arm.

"I mean it. You ever decide to give the ladies a try, you holler my way and I'll be first in line," Faith joked.

"Now you're just being silly."

"Totally serious here. You ever start hitting for the home team, I'm gonna be right there vying for your affections and for some serious pillow time. I came here cos the Scoobies did, but I stay for you."

Faith stopped then, aware of what she'd just said. She'd never allowed herself to say those words before, let alone think them, but there they were out in the open and unable to be taken back.

For a minute she thought about jumping through the emergency hatch in the ceiling and climbing to a much more Buffy-free area, but a hand on the side of her face stopped her.

That hand on the face, though, couldn't hold a flame to the soft feel of lips brushing over hers, slowly, tentatively. Faith thought about deepening the kiss; about taking what her mind and body apparently wanted more than even she'd known, but instead she found herself pulling back and resting her forehead against Buffy's.

"B . . . I think there's someone in here with us," she said, trying for humor to break the awkward moment.

But Buffy wasn't having any of that.

"No more talking," the blonde whispered before slowly leaning in and kissing Faith again, just as soft and as slow as before.

Faith was confused. She didn't know what was happening nor how or why . . . but she couldn't fight it. Her arms wrapped around Buffy's waist and pulled her closer, right up onto her lap. Buffy had the advantage then of kissing Faith from a higher seat and effectively took control of the sudden and unexpected kiss.

She tilted Faith's head back a bit and kissed her deeper, both hands on Faith's face keeping her exactly where she wanted her.

Faith immediately took note of how soft Buffy's lips were, and how her kisses tasted like understanding and forgiveness and nothing like the pure lust she tasted when she had kissed other people before.

She ran her hands down Buffy's sides, stopping them to rest on her slightly moving hips.

"I never imagined it could be like this," Faith whispered as Buffy was kissing lazily along her jaw.

"Shhhh," Buffy hushed her as she let her fingers work on the buttons on Faith's shirt.

Try as she did not to speak, alarms started going off in Faith's head then and she had to find out what was going on.

"Wait wait wait wait wait," she said, putting her hand on Buffy's and stopping it. "Hold up for a sec. What's goin on here?"

Buffy tried to lean down and kiss her again, but Faith ducked her head to the side and looked up at Buffy, trying to read her face in the dark.

"I just . . . everything you said. I thought it meant . . . did you not like it?" she asked breathlessly.

"Course I liked it, what do you think I am, some kinda nun or somethin? But soon as the lights go on you're gonna freak out and I don't wanna be on the other end of that. We're finally working on the friend thing, B. I don't wanna fuck it up."

"Sometimes friends kiss, too," Buffy said innocently.

"You go around kissing Willow like that? Shit, no wonder she sticks to your side like glue," Faith joked.

"No, there has never been and will never be any Willow kissing. But . . . I don't know. I just felt . . . it felt different with you."

Silence passed between them again, but it didn't last long.

"I just don't want there to be any regrets," Faith said quietly, resting her head back on the cool metal wall. She closed her eyes when she felt soft lips press to her forehead before Buffy moved off of her lap and sat at her side again.

It wasn't long before the lights flickered back on and the elevator started up its usual quiet hum in its unmoving state.

"Let there be light," Faith said as she looked around and stood up, dusting herself off. She held out a hand to Buffy, who looked at it for a moment before accepting it and being helped up.

They moved to their opposite corners again after Faith pressed the lobby button. The elevator grumbled and groaned as it prepared to move.

"You gonna call him then?" Faith asked casually, trying to play the part of the friend again.

"I probably owe him a proper chance," Buffy answered with a shrug. "Can't say I really tried that hard before."

Faith nodded in agreement.

"You should."

"I will."

The elevator began its slow descent then, carrying them down the remaining way to the lobby. Surprisingly, the silence wasn't as awkward as it should've been.

"I've never been good with the whole sport analogy thing," Buffy began as the elevator slowed just before reaching the lobby floor, "but who knows; maybe if I strike out, we can talk about that whole 'switching teams' thing." She offered Faith a flirty smile.

Faith grinned an honest to goodness Faith grin.

"Yeah, maybe once we get the whole friends gig down, I could coach ya a bit."

The doors finally opened as they smiled at one another, letting a fresh breath of air into the now stuffy elevator. Buffy took a step out and began to walk toward the front doors, but she turned around when she noticed that Faith wasn't with her.

"You going outside?" she asked as she indicated the front door with her thumb.

"Nah, think I'm just gonna . . . go on back upstairs. Don't wanna incur the wrath of Dawnie on her birthday and all," Faith explained.

Truth was that she felt like she needed a smoke now more than ever, but she needed some alone time even more than that. She needed to process everything that had just happened.

"Oh, okay," Buffy said with a smile. "I'll see you upstairs then?"

"You've got it," Faith smiled back.

Buffy turned around and began to walk further into the lobby, but the sound of the familiar sound of the elevator chime sent her running back toward Faith yelling, "Hold the door please!"

Faith stepped forward and put her hand between the doors, stopping them from closing. She was more than surprised when she felt Buffy run into her arms, lean up, and plant one last kiss on her still tingling lips.

It didn't last long. It didn't sweep her off her feet. It wasn't about love, or passion.

It was a promise.

Buffy stepped back after a moment and smiled all big. She held up her hand – still clutching around her cell phone – and waved at Faith as she walked backwards.

Faith could only manage to smile and wink before the door chimed and closed once again. Backing up against the cool metal wall, she closed her eyes and let out a happy sigh.

James was as good as gone.


	4. Just Another Thursday Night

**Author's Notes:** And we reach the end. Sorry about the time it took this one to finish up, but life got crazy. Thanks to everyone who has sent along their thoughts and feedback. You made me want to finish this one up nice and quickly. :) Now to tackle Walk the Line . . . ugh, I'm gonna need a pot of coffee. Feedback and thoughts are appreciated, as always. :)

**Suggested music: Lips of an Angel by Hinder**

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**Part Four – Just Another Thursday Night**

It's just another Thursday night Sin City, 'cept for the fact that I'm _not _sinnin', and I'm far enough away from the strip not to be drawn in by the flashy lights and cheap drinks.

It's kinda funny how Vegas loses some of its spark after you've lived there a while.

I think it's been just over a year now, maybe a bit longer. Time flies when you're having fun or so the saying goes, right?

Truth be told, life isn't bad right now. After that first year in LA when we fled SunnyD, I came here to help set up and run some slayer facilities that Giles had in the works. No idea why he chose Vegas; I remember him saying something about property values and a booming economy, but I think he was only in it for the gambling. G's a roulette fiend.

I figured that besides the slaying gig, there wasn't much else for me to do. I'm not educated, and besides being able to lift things five times my weight, I don't have any skills.

So, the deal I have here isn't all that bad. Full-time job -- actually on the good side of the new Council, wicked studio apartment, and a girl that doesn't care if I smoke or don't shower or even if I need to take off for a day or two or five just to blow off some steam.

As far as outward appearances go, I didn't leave anything behind.

'Cept for that annoying thing called my heart.

Yeah, it's true. I fell big time in love with Buffy Summers. Yunno how it goes. Girls save world, girls gain sense of freedom, girls bond . . . it's history from there. Not to say that it was a quick process or anything. Almost two months went by after we got to LA before me and B even hashed things out, but once we did, we were pretty damn inseparable.

We hung out a lot and just took time to get to know each other better. There was always too much shit goin' on in Sunnydale for us to get to do that. Thing about closing the Hellmouth and saving the world, though? Left us with lots of time on our hands to just chill out for a while.

It was nice.

Fuck, it was more than nice.

Not sayin' that the Scoobs were real big with the welcome into their little clique, but Buffy dragged me along with them everywhere they went, and pretty soon they got over it.

B made them. Gotta thank her for that. No one's ever stood up for me like that before. Was kinda nice knowing someone had my back.

After about three or four months passed, the Scoobs finally saw how much me and B just . . . balanced each other. We smiled a lot more. We got through everything that was tossed at us because we dealt with it together, like a team. We could anticipate each other, and life was just good.

That's when I started to feel it. The little niggling feeling in my chest every time she was near me or looked at me or, yunno . . . blinked. Every little thing that B did had me realizing how much I was falling for her again.

I'd promised myself a long time ago that I'd never go back to that place – pining over Buffy from afar.

But yunno what? She wasn't keeping me at arm's length anymore. She'd welcomed me into her life and made me feel like I belonged.

Crazy thing was, she was falling for me too. Yeah I'm cocky, but not when it comes to that. I'm not talkin' outta my ass here. She was always finding ways to spend more time with me, touch me all soft and stuff, smile all flirty at me.

God, that smile of hers . . .

. . . shit, it hurts to sit here and think about all of it.

I shouldn't. There's no reason that I should be taking a mental stroll down memory lane. Carrie's on the other end of the couch with my feet on her lap and we're just . . . I dunno. It's not right for me to think about B when I'm right here, right now.

It's not fair to Carrie. Fuck, it's not fair to _me_.

Still, she's pretty much constantly on my mind.

Life goes on though. We realized we couldn't stay in LA forever, and everyone had to make decisions about where their lives were headed. Red and Xander took off together, just wanting to experience a life different from their own. Giles retired back to England. The slayers were sent to different places around the world.

Shit, I think that Kennedy ended up in Mozambique.

And that just left me and B to make our decisions.

That's when whatever we were building together fell apart.

Like I said . . . without the Council, I had no direction. Giles promised to set me up somewhere so I could carry on with life as a Slayer. It's what I know, and it's what I'm good at it. But . . . Buffy was done. She wanted a normal life for her and Dawn. No more Council, no more nasties, and no more things that go bump in the night.

And yunno what? She deserved it. She _earned_ it. I couldn't stop her.

As much as I wanted to go with her, I knew that I couldn't. I'm not good at 'normal'. I'm a fuck up. What I had with B . . . I never wanted to fuck up.

I think that we both knew it was coming. Right until the very end, we acted like we weren't moving to opposite sides of the globe. I helped her pack her things, but we never once talked about it. We didn't wanna deal with what it meant for us.

So, I got in the cab with her and Dawnie and we headed to the airport. I helped them get their bags out of the car, I hugged Dawnie goodbye, and then I looked at Buffy. I looked at her good and hard, cos I knew it was really goodbye. Our lives had come to a fork in the road, and we chose different paths.

It was what was best for the both of us.

Least I thought so at the time, anyhow.

I pulled her into my arms and we just stood there for a minute all quiet. I had no clue what to say. It woulda been emotional blackmail for me to have told her I loved her then, because then she woulda rethought her life plans. There was no way I coulda done that to her. It wasn't fair.

She kissed my shoulder before she walked away and out of my life. We didn't say goodbye. There were no tears. It was just over.

We lost our chance.

We tried to keep in touch, but it pretty much sucked ass. I didn't wanna hear about how great her new life was. I wanted her to be happy, really I did. I do. But I also wanted her to miss me. To need me. To finally say the words that I'd wanted to hear the whole time I knew her.

Maybe I'm an asshole for wishful thinking, but I'd always hoped she'd call and ask me to come to her, or that she'd profess her love for me and we could live happily ever after.

I can't tell you how many times I almost called her and told her I loved her, but I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't emotionally blackmail her like that. It wouldn't be right for her to change her life cos I had some kinda awakening and finally found the balls to tell her I loved her. How fair would that be?

If she woulda said the words, I woulda hopped on the first flight and went to her. For a week, for a year, forever. Didn't matter. If I knew she wanted me, I would've been there.

But the fact remains that she never asked me to come, and I never asked if she wanted me there. If she wanted me at all.

So, we did the friendly phone call, every three or four days at first, then once a week, and then maybe once a month or so. I can't even remember the last time we talked now. I guess maybe it's some kind of a quiet acceptance.

I had my shot back in LA and I blew it.

Still, it doesn't stop me from thinking about her every day. Every hour. Every minute.

The last few times me and B talked, we were both involved in relationships. She was dating some kinda Immortal guy, but she told me again and again that their relationship wasn't 'like that,' whatever that means. They talked a lot, or so she said. I kinda don't wanna think about it.

I told her about me and Carrie, and I guess that she took it well. I met Carrie outside The Mirage hotel on the strip. A vamp was trying to pull her into an alley and I played hero. She didn't ask questions about the vamp, and I didn't explain.

Sometimes it's better not knowing about the things that live in the dark.

But that's basically the basis of our entire relationship. She stays at my apartment most nights. Sure, she has her own, but I think she feels safe with me. Sometimes, I need some space so I just toss on my jacket and head out for awhile. Last time I did that, I was gone four days. Just spent some time in the desert, doing my reflection and balance thing.

When I came back, she was still at my apartment. The dishes were done, leftovers were in the fridge for me, and she was sat smiling softly on the patio as I approached.

Yeah, this girl really is a gem. Honestly, if I wasn't still in love with Buffy, I think I could love her some day. But . . . like I said . . . I'm still in love with Buffy. I appreciate Carrie. I like having her around. Still, I know she's not the one for me, and she knows it too.

I told her about B from the start so she'd know that I wasn't fully available in the heart department, and she understood. It's why she doesn't push. She knows that if Buffy was ever to call and ask me to go to her, I would. There are no questions about it in my mind.

So, we don't talk about it.

A quiet understanding.

I know it's not right and I tell her again and again that she's worth so much more, but she says she's happy to keep things as they are. Maybe she thinks that some day things will miraculously change. I don't have the heart to tell her she's wrong.

It's getting pretty late now and I can feel sleep luring me. Slaying was a bust tonight, so I came back early and we've just been chillin' and watchin some TV. Not sure how long I've been dozing for, but all this thinking about Buffy has me dreaming about her too. I see her sat next to a window with a phone in her hand, gazing out into the night. There are tears running down her face and she looks so sad.

I want to reach out and touch her, but it's a dream and something is holding me back. My mouth opens but no sound comes out. I'm starting to get weirded out, but then I notice that Buffy's looking down at the phone in her hand now. Dialing.

"Pick up the phone, Faith," she says and looks directly into my eyes, seeing me there for the first time.

I'm jolted away when I hear the phone ringing on the coffee table.

Carrie reaches forward and grabs it, stealing a quick glance at the caller ID before smiling almost sadly and handing it to me.

"For you," she says quietly, then looks back at the TV and pretends to be really interested.

I look down at the phone and see Buffy's number.

Without another word I swing my legs around and stand up, making my way to the spare bedroom. Call me crazy but I don't think it's right to talk to B in front of Carrie. I think she appreciated it too. Another quiet understanding.

I can't even wait to make it into the bedroom. Half way there I push the connect button and bring the phone to my ear.

"Hey B," I say, a smile instantly appearing on my face.

"Hey," she answers, and I can almost hear her smile too. I'll be damned if she didn't sniffle too.

"Was just thinkin' about ya," I confess.

"You always say that," she replies with a chuckle.

"Cos it's always true." Maybe a bit too honest, but there's no need to play games. "So what's happening, hot stuff? Pretty late. It's gotta be what, like . . . seven in the morning there or something."

Hmm. That's pretty weird. It was dark outside in my dream.

Dude, what the hell am I talking about? It was a dream. She coulda been doing the hula or something.

"Guess I can't sleep," she says quietly.

The conversation goes dead for a few seconds as I wait for her to continue. She's not though, so I guess I'm up to bat again.

"Everything okay?" I ask, expecting the usual 'just peachy.'

"Not really," she answers, and I hear her start crying softly.

"Hey . . . what's up?" I ask, my voice cracking a little. Hearing her cry is breaking my heart. "Is everyone okay? Dawn?"

"Yeah, everyone's okay. Dawn's away at school, and Dorian is . . . well, he's long gone."

Ahh. The boyfriend. No wonder she's crying. Another bad breakup for Buffy Summers. I feel bad for her, I do, but I'm not all that crushed about the boyfriend thing. Still, it's time to be a friend.

"Sorry to hear that," I say quietly. I hope she can't tell that I'm lying.

"Thanks, but I'm not."

Um, what?

"What?"

"I said that I'm not. I'm not sad that he's gone. It wasn't meant to be. It was just another distraction that I put in my life," she says quickly, sniffling.

"He didn't hurt you, did he B?" I ask. I've gotta know. If the bastard laid so much as a finger on her, I'll put his name to the test.

"No, nothing like that. He tried very hard to make me happy. I asked him to leave."

Color me confused.

"Well why'd you do that?"

She pauses for a moment and I hear her take a deep breath.

"Because I didn't love him."

"Well then it's time to move on to bigger and better things, B." I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what's I'm about to say. "Course you're gonna be sad for a while, but you'll get back out there and find someone that you do love, and when you do . . ."

"I don't need to find someone," she interrupts me. "I already have."

Oh. Okay, so she's calling me for what . . . approval?

"Well, that's great I guess." Maybe an ounce of bitterness came out then. "Do I know him?"

"It's you," she blurts out, and I can hear her cover her mouth after she's said it.

Hello! Can I get a repeat on that please? I think my head just exploded.

"What?" I ask slowly.

"It's you," she repeats and starts crying again. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to spring it out you like that, Faith. I didn't. It's not fair of me. There are ten million reasons why I shouldn't have said anything, but I couldn't hold it in anymore."

Shit, that's all the fuckin go ahead I need. I sit down at the computer – compliments of Giles – and go to the bookmarks. A few clicks later and I'm typing in my credit card info, booking my flight into Rome. I don't know where the transfers are or how much the ticket costs. All I know is that I leave in eight hours.

"Maybe there _are_ ten million reasons why you shouldn't have," I say to her.

"I know," she half-sobs. "I'm so sorry. I know that you've got your own life now, and a g-girlfriend. You seemed happy the last time I talked to you. It's why I haven't called you again. I didn't want to be the one to bring all of that crashing down. It's so not fair, and I am so, so sorry, Faith."

"You didn't let me finish," I stop her babbling. "Yeah, maybe there are ten million reasons why you shouldn't have said anything. I'm a screw up. I'm a pig. You can do better. You _should_ do better. But there's one really important reason why you should have."

"Why?" she asks quietly.

I click 'ok' and my boarding pass starts to print out.

"Cos I love you too."

Something in the hallway catches my eye and I turn to see Carrie standing there with a duffle bag over her arm, smiling at me sadly.

"Uhh, hold on a minute," I stammer into the phone before covering the receiver with my hand and standing up. "Hey," I say to Carrie, walking over to her.

"Hey," she says back. "I'm . . . listen, I'm gonna go."

She doesn't sound mad. Sad, maybe, but I know it's nothing she won't get over. The way she's looking at me lets me know that.

"You don't have to," I say, but she shakes her head at me.

"I do. You've been waiting for that phone call for a long time, Faith," she says. She takes a few steps closer to me and puts her hand on my cheek, touching it lightly. "Go to her. Find a reason for your heart to smile again."

She gives me a soft kiss on the lips – our last goodbye – and she turns around and walks out the door, leaving me standing here with the phone still clutched in my hand.

"You're gonna make someone very lucky one day, Care," I say to her retreating form.

She pauses and looks at me over her shoulder. I see the silent tears streaming down her face, but she's smiling. It's an honest to goodness smile.

I don't put the phone back to my ear until I hear the front door click behind her.

"Sorry," I say into the phone as I make my way back to the computer.

"Tell me again," she says absently.

I smile.

"I love you, Buffy. Always have, and will forever if you let me. Hell, even if you don't let me I will. I've tried not to and it's too hard to fight."

I can hear her laugh happily through her sniffles. God damn, I can't wait to show her how much I love her. Never gonna let her go again.

"What do we do?" she asks after a couple of moments pass. "It's not like you're exactly available."

"Carrie just left," I tell her.

"Oh god, please tell me that you had some horrible fight before I called and that she was already leaving," she says sadly.

"Not quite. But she knew she never had my heart. It's always been about you. Guess she finally decided to move on," I answer truthfully.

"Doesn't make me feel any better."

"Didn't think it would, but I'm hoping that we can get past that. I'm sick and tired of being afraid to love you, B. I thought we lost our chance forever when we left LA, and to be honest, I'm still wavering on disbelief that all of this is really happening."

"Well it is," she says softly, and I can hear her smiling again.

"I can't wait to see that smile," I tell her, and I hear her smile even bigger then.

"Might be a while before you can," she says sadly.

Can't wait to hear her reaction when I tell her I'm coming to see her.

"Not so. Just booked my ticket. My flight leaves in eight hours. I'll see you before the day is through."

I wait for some kinda excited reaction, but all I get is a little questioning hum.

"Flight? I thought that it only takes like two or three hours to drive from Las Vegas to LA."

My smile falls.

"You're in LA?"

"Yeah, I moved back a week ago. Didn't Angel tell you?" she asks.

I look down at my 1200 dollar non-refundable ticket.

"Nope, never got the memo."

A moment passes before she speaks again.

"…was it at least a cheap flight?"

I can't help but chuckle.

"I think I just made some airline a little bit richer and gave the person in the seat next to me a whole lotta sprawling room."

"You didn't," she says, trying to hide her laugh.

"Totally did," I answer back. "Doesn't matter, it's on the Council's expense account."

"Oh, Giles will be _thrilled_," she jokes.

"No doubt about that." I pause for a moment, then, "Why the hell aren't you givin' me your address? I've got a bag to pack, places to see, people to do."

She laughs now. An honest to goodness laugh. My heart does a little fluttery thing.

"I'm three blocks from the old Hyperion. Jade Flatts, apartment 3b."

I grin. "Hope you meant what you said, blondie. Gonna be there before you can change your mind and go globe-trotting again."

Without giving her any time to respond, I hang up the phone. I'm serious when I say I'm gonna be there before she can change her mind.

I walk around my apartment, picking up loose odds and ends that I know I'm gonna need. Clothes, hair and make-up stuff, a couple DVDs and video games, my iPod, and my leather jacket. I'll have to come back for the rest and to sign a cancel lease agreement.

Damn, this is gonna be a big change, but yunno what? I don't care. If I have Buffy, nothing else matters.

I make the ride to LA in record time. There was a touch and go situation with a state trooper, but I put on my best flirty smile and talked him outta the ticket he wanted to give me. That woulda been two tickets Giles woulda had to foot the bill for. Thank god he's only getting the 1200 plane ticket and not the 100 speeding ticket, right?

Shit. I'm gonna have to hide from him for a couple of weeks 'til he cools down.

I have to circle around Buffy's block about three times before I finally find a parking spot. By the time I get outta my car and start walking down the block to her place, I start feeling the tingles. The tingles that let me know she's nearby.

As I approach her building, I look up at the terraces. To my surprise, I see Buffy sitting out on hers, curled up on a small chair with a blanket around herself. She smiles and looks down at me, and I swear to god I lose my breath for a second. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

"Am I supposed to start quoting Shakespeare now? Something about Juliet and the sun and over and yonder and through the woods?" I ask her.

She stands up and walks to the edge of the balcony, resting her elbows on the railing.

"Quoting isn't necessary," she jokes. "But you coming up here and stealing a kiss totally is."

I smile all big at her.

I know she expects me to come running up the stairs and knocking on her door, but I have other plans in mind. With a grunt, I heave my bag up into the air and onto the third floor balcony. Before it even lands I'm scaling up the side of the building, bracing myself between an iron downspout and the other balconies.

She steps back and watches, amused.

What can I say? I've been patient long enough.

I hop onto the balcony with a thud and fix my rumpled clothes, then I make my way over to her without another moments hesitation. My arms instantly wrap around her and pull her into a hug, holding her tightly against me. Her arms wrap over my shoulders and I swear to god I feel like my heart's gonna explode.

When I hugged her at the airport before she left, it wasn't like this. I think by that point my heart knew that our chance was lost. But here we are now, a whole new chance being offered to us, and we're both on board this time.

No more games, no more hesitation, no more being afraid of our feelings.

I pull back and look into her eyes, seeing there for the first time the one emotion she'd always keep hidden away as best as she could: love.

She rests her forehead against mine and closes her eyes, breathing in nice and deep. I do the same, filling my senses with everything Buffy.

"I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get here," she whispers.

"No more sorrys," I interrupt her. "All that matters is that we're here now, yeah?"

"Yeah," she agrees, nodding a little.

She puts her hand on the side of my face and runs her thumb over my lips, watching as I give it a little kiss.

"I'm so in love with you," she whispers and my heart clenches in my chest. It's the best feeling I've ever felt.

"I love you, Buffy," I whisper back, and I lean down to seal it with a kiss.

Her lips are softer than I ever could have imagined and I feel like I've just died and gone to heaven. There's nothing sweeter in the whole world than what I'm feeling right here, right now, this very minute.

It's just another Thursday night in the City of Angels. There's a car alarm blaring a few blocks away, quite possibly from my car. I just realized I left my cell phone back in Vegas. A neighbor is blaring Lionel Richie loud enough to wake the apartment complex, and I'm pretty sure we're getting perved on by some guy across the street.

Buffy giggles against my lips and my heart smiles.

I'm home.

**The End**


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